Same star. Different wishes. |
I could not be more envious. I would give anything to spend 25 days in Southeast Asia instead of be here working. And after one day there, he sent a message to my sister in law:
"I'm hating it here. I wanna go home."
My first thought was how dare him? He is living the dream! He is experiencing different cultures, seeing amazing views, trying delicious food... And then I saw the rest of the message:
"I feel lonely, I can't understand a word they say and can't even speak english. I'm always worried. I just want to go back."
It hit me like a truck. Of course he's living the dream. My dream, not his.
My heart aches everytime I think about how sad and scared he must be there. There are some friends with him and I know he'll get used to the new place and enjoy the trip by the end, but still. I was excited for him during all the plannings and what I really should have done was prepare him for this. I should have seen it coming, but I didn't because all I could think of was how much I would be happy in his place instead of how happy himself would be.
Of course it would be harder for him than it was for me because we are very opposites. He doesn't speak English and neither do many Thais. He hates being appart of his girlfriend and also hates any kind of change. Thailand was too far and 25 days were too long. I have always known all of this and let him go unwarned anyway.
My point is: I spend a long time complaining about how people want me to fit into their standards. Get a boyfriend. Buy a house. Work for the goverment. Have kids. Be stable and predictable. I might do some of these things and maybe I'll do all of these things, but can't I decide on my own? And what I just did to my brother was the opposite: I wanted him to get out of the standards and never asked if he wanted to.
Right now, if you asked me what I want, I'd say travel around the world, make a friend in every country, have a job online that pays enough to survive, rent a new home every three months, this kind of stuff. My brother would say marry his girlfriend, have two cute kids, work for the government or start his own company, buy a house in the country and travel once a year. And you know what? We both are perfectly right!
Many people say that Disney movies set bad role models for kids. These people didn't get the right message. What I see is, they teach you to fight for your dreams, whatever they are. Find your Prince like Snow White, if you want to. Go to the ball and find him by accident like Cinderella if all you want is go to the damned ball. Shoot for your hand and become the freaking single queen like Merida if you want to be the freaking single queen.
Each person wants what he or she wants and there is nothing more annoying than people trying to convince you about what is right to want. I have my lifestyle and I absolutelly love it, but just because I'm happy doesn't mean everyone would be happy in my place, which is very hard to accept when you want everyone you love to feel as good as you're feeling. Confusing. And a lesson I struggle to learn everyday.
Update: My brother has been back a long time ago. He loved Thailand.